Welcome to the Molehill

Welcome to the first edition of my rebranded and refreshed blog.

First, thanks for popping on over. You probably came across this by accident, but no worries, everyone is welcome here and I’ll take what I can get. Here’s where you get to learn a little bit about me, and the crap fight that parenthood can ACTUALLY be, and maybe just a little about yourself.

I’m the Stay at Home parent of our family, and care for our beautiful and wonderfully infuriating 5 & 2 year old Gremlins. Now don’t get me wrong, I love those grubby faced kids more than life itself, but they do not warn you how freaking hard it can be. Especially if you have an anxious personality.

In between the birth of my children, my husband and I sadly had a pregnancy loss. It was very early on, but it still rocked me to the core, and from there my life changed forever. Now I am NOT comparing other people’s miscarriage or pregnancy loss stories, everybody has THE RIGHT to mourn or not mourn their loss at any stage of gestation.

I dealt with this situation in the worst possible way for my personality…. I pretended it didn’t happen. Whoops! And as we all know, bottling things up does what? NOT A DAMN THING TO HELP. That’s right. I had a mini breakdown and off the Psych’s I went. Yay me. After that I became an internal basket case making mountains out of Molehills over my kids. Everything and anything was a threat. Tie that in with normal Anxiety and my (then) undiagnosed Mild OCD, it was a recipe for a glorious disaster.

I was once a bright bottle of happiness. Sprinkling glitter, love and positivity wherever I went, like a Party Popper violating people with its over exaggerated excitement. Sadly in November 2017, I started going to a dark place, and instead of doing anything about it, I let it breed, fester and build up to a full fledged Monster, who made me want to runaway from my husband and my kids. Those beautiful, tiny, loving peanuts that I made from scratch, who loved me unconditionally.

So last November, after a year of sitting around pretending to be okay, while fears tore apart my insides, I marched myself into my doctor. I’m still not okay, but I’m starting to feel a semblance of myself. A little step goes a long way, and you only need to take that one to get moving.

So know this. I know what its like.

I know where the dark places take you.

 I know the evil things the darkness makes you think.

I know how REAL it all feels, because those feelings ARE REAL to us.

I also NOW know you should take care of yourself.

I know help is always there, you need only ask.

I know you should look out for your friends. They'll have your back, especially when you have theirs.

I want this blog to be one of those supportive friends. I want to be able to share new coping techniques I find that help me, organization to help tame the chaos, and for you to find things to laugh and be happy about again. In sharing the load of the downright poop to the hilarious moments you shake your head at, we can come together to build each other up.

To the beautiful women (and man) who encouraged me to start this journey, I love you and appreciate the glitter you bring to my life.

Remember its totally okay to not be okay, but NEVER let the darkness become the weed in your garden. Pluck that sucker out before it spreads. Prevention is better than a cure.

And above all, Don’t Forget to Love Yourself Moles